How To Write An Obituary
In 4 Easy Steps
Typically, when someone dies, the first most people will hear of it is through an obituary whether it’s from an online news source, a funeral home website, social media feeds, or a good ol fashioned newspaper.
For celebrities and other notable public figures, journalists and major publications have their obituaries, or obits as I may refer to them later, taken care of and, in a lot of cases for those up there in age, well in advance of that person’s actual death. But for regular folks, it’s up to us to write the obituaries for our loved ones. For some, the pressure of doing their loved one justice in such a seemingly important few paragraphs can be daunting or, if the relationship was fraught, unsure of how to properly address their true thoughts and feelings for the person who died.
Obituaries can come in many shapes and forms. Some are simple, concise, and to the point while others turn into multi paragraph essays on the life and accomplishments of the person who died. Sometimes, the obit writer takes the opportunity to completely blast the deceased on all of their misdeeds in this life and other times they use humor and jokes as a fitting tribute. While there is no single way to write an obituary, for those of us who don’t write often, aren’t great at expressing our feelings, or just find it particularly difficult to remember everything that should be included, it can be helpful to have a guide on how to put one together.
So this week, I’ve done just that.
A Quick Guide for Crafting an Obituary
Obits can be put together relatively easily when you know all the parts of writing one which includes The Basics, Summing the Deceased Up, Figuring Out the Structure, and Proofreading. When it comes down to it, that’s just four things. You’ve got this.
The Basics
Typically, obituaries are only going to be a couple of paragraphs so it can be difficult to know what to include in such a limited space. So let’s go over the basics. No matter where you post your obituary, there are a few things you are definitely going to want to include:
The deceased’s first and last name and any nicknames they went by
Their age at death
The date they died
Where they’re from
A photo if possible
Their surviving family members and/or family members that have preceded them in death
The funeral arrangements if any
Information on where to send flowers or make donations in honor of the deceased
You can also include how the person died in the basics portion of an obituary if you so choose but it’s not a necessity. I would probably include or at least allude to cause of death in an obituary I wrote but that’s a personal choice that you can make based on your circumstances.
Sum Them Up
Next, you’ll want to include a brief little something about the deceased’s life. Usually this might include where they went to school and/or what they did for work. You’ll probably also want to add a few notes about their passions or how they spent their time. This doesn’t have to solely focus on things like impactful volunteering or other humanitarian pursuits, though those are plenty worthy to be included. But a lot, if not most, of us live reasonably average yet no less fulfilling lives and that should be celebrated too. Mention hobbies and interests your loved one put a lot of time and love into. Did they travel around looking for new and exciting foods? Maybe they created an awesome garden, were an active member of their book club, or came out on top in their bowling league. Whatever the tid-bit is that makes you go “that’s so *insert loved one’s name*” include it! Those reading the obituary want to feel like they know who this person was even if the space to do so is limited.
Figure Out the Structure
Now is when you put the basics and the summing up all together in the best or most logical way. For this section, I’ve included an example below of how I would put together an obituary, feel free to steal this template if it works for you:
Janine Smith Doe, known to her friends as Bitty, died February 13, 2024 of natural causes surrounded by loved ones at her home in Pittsburgh, PA. She was 72 years old. Beloved wife of Jerri Doe and daughter to the late Jack and Julia Smith, Janine grew up in the Pittsburgh area where she attended Chatham College before going on to spend 40 years working as an artist and illustrator.
An avid crocheter, Janine loved spending time making blankets not only for every family member and friend, but also to donate to local warming centers and animal shelters. She loved serving as the Vice President of her crochet club, The Hookers. Janine is survived by her loving wife Jerri, their daughter Ali Doe and son Alex (Marian) Doe, her brother James (Anna) Doe, and countless friends. A viewing will be held Saturday, February 18, 2024 at 1pm at Guy Brothers Funeral Home in Pittsburgh immediately followed by a memorial service.
In lieu of flowers, the family asks you to consider donating to the local shelters or taking up the hook in Janine’s honor.
As you can see, in my version I kept it to two paragraphs and relatively simple. The first paragraph covers most of the basics of the deceased while the second paragraph delves a little deeper into who she was and what she loved to do. It’s usually best to keep any funeral arrangements or memorial service information as the final lines to close out the obituary. You’ll also want to remember to put the spouses/significant others of siblings, children, etc. in parenthesis as a simple way to denote them as an individuals partner.
Proofread
It’s always in your best interest to give anything you write a quick proofread but in this case it feels extra important. Double check the spelling of names and places referenced. Make sure dates and times line up for any memorial services you’ve planned. It can be easy to accidentally misspell or give out the wrong info when you’re trying to get an obituary done in a timely manner so be sure to take your time and go over everything twice, or get another pair of eyes to check your work.
You’ve done it. You’ve put together a simple, informative, and touching obituary. Well done!
There’s no right way to write or post an obituary, the way I would write one may differ from the way you would write one even about the same person. What matters is creating something to communicate your loved one’s death that gives all the appropriate information while also giving readers a glimpse of the life of the person who died. Obituaries play a key part in communicating about the dead but keep in mind that posting an obituary some places, like the newspaper, can and will probably cost money and in those cases you’ll likely want to be a little less verbose unless you’ve got the funds to back it up. But for social media or the space included on the funeral home website feel free to talk at length about what you loved about your loved one. Or keep it short and sweet. The choice is up to you. Don’t forget, there’s always the option of writing your own obituary before you die and asking your loved ones to run that one for you once you’re gone. They might be grateful that you took something off of their plate when it comes to funeral planning and they can always include their own version in addition to yours.
Writing obituaries can be overwhelming, emotional, and just plain difficult. But I hope that this quick guide can be a helpful jumping off point for you to craft something you’re proud of when the time comes.
Have you had to write an obituary? Was it a struggle or did you find the words flowing easily? What did you include or not include? Let us know in the comments!